February the Twenty-Eighth

Where's my Harper's?

2/28/10

"who's that guy?"

2.28.10

"Schedule a doctor's appointment if you're suffering from being trapped in a sulfur mine."

2/27/10

"your mission: make it or break it... by 10:23am central on saturday march 6th to do this"

February the Twenty-Seventh

I'll give you a local anesthetic ... we don't do Chinese torture here.

2.27.10

"It's not a mousse!"

2/26/10

"ok, get ready for douche chills"

February the Twenty-Sixth

"Most girls would give their eyes for the chance to see Monte!"

"Wouldn't that kind of defeat the purpose?"

2.26.10

"Hi."

2/25/10

"so what high school do you go to?"

February the Twenty-Fifth

… can I magnetize cobalt?

I'm not sure — I think so — why?

I'm just wondering.

Is it a secret?

Maybe.

2.25.10

"I'll be words, you'll be music."

February the Twenty-Fourth

Takes a whore to catch a whore.

2/24/10

"Darrell, I'm very afraid for my vagina"

2.24.10

"Does he talk fast?"

2/23/10

"if she aint met yo friends she aint yo girlfriend"

February the Twenty-Third

"What biological structure would you say has no functional purpose?"
"The mouth."
... long pause ...
"I'm not expert in anatomy, but I'm pretty sure the mouth has a lot of essential functions."
"Well, not all animals have mouths, so how important can it be?"

2.23.10

"What's the most current new thing your baby is doing?"
"She smiles a lot. You know how I you say I smile a lot?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well she smiles a lot too."
" Aww...like father like daughter."
"...but it's mostly due to gas I think."
"Right. That's why you smile a lot too though, so it makes sense."
[This is about as raunchy as it gets when it comes to joking with my co-workers.]

2/22/10

"mr. a, how many watches do you own?"

February the Twenty-Second

"Someone graffiti-ed the door of the stall so they removed the door."
"Seems like an overreaction."
"Yeah, someone started writing on the walls of the stall too, and they threatened to remove those too so that you'd be sitting exposed on a toilet in the middle of a public restroom."

2.22.10

"According to my spam folder, when referring to erections, it is important to specify if the erection is a "sexual" erection, or a "non-sexual" erection."

February the Twenty-First

"Are you classified as human?" 

"Negative. I am a meat popsicle."

2/21/10

"so was the girl you went home with hott?"

"no, not even close"

2.21.10

"This is your brain failing."

February the Twentieth

"Bon-jerrr-no."

2/20/10

"consider this union baby teeth"

2.20.10

"Kamehachi means 'eight turtles.'"

February the Nineteenth

nothing interesting

2/19/10

"i like you"

2.19.10

"A rapper with the Grammy-nominated club act LMFAO had a confrontation with Mitt Romney in Canada . Laughing My Fucking Ass Off + Romney + Canada + Fighting = Romney 2012!"

2/18/10

"dont say such things fool"

February the Eighteenth

nothing interesting

2.18.10

"'Rich and the Co-Worker' -- that sounds like a really bad Burt Reynolds movie."

2/17/10

"you should change your last name"

February the Seventeenth

nothing interesting

2.17.10

"From monster to emotional reunion with severed limbs."

2/16/10

"LOL. Wow! That guy is good awesome"

February the Sixteenth

"Tony said that last week you wore the same blue argyle sweater two days in a row."

2.16.10

"Cool beans, honkey."

2/15/10

"look! the man's arms are cut off!"

February the Fifteenth

Don't leave

2.15.10

"Congratulations!"

2/14/10

"hey everybody! i'm the richest guy in the world!"

February the Fourteenth

Touch my heart

                                                         with your foot.

2.14.10

"Bye Dan!"

2/13/10

"it smells really good in here"

"oh no, i just puked"

February the Thirteenth

Three plain, three egg, three sesame, and three cinnamon and raison. And one poppy.

2.13.10

"Windows 7 Burger."

February the Twelfth

"Have you seen this movie?"

"Yes."

"I haven't.                My boyfriend teaches a class on bad movies."

"Oh. Cool."

"But we're all experts when it comes to bad movies.      Right honey?" *pats boyfriend's knee*

2/12/10

"i want to give birth to a child and publish its crazy thoughts on the internet now"