12.15.09

"Are you telling me you're going to shit down his throat if he doesn't produce? That's all I want to know."

12.14.09

"What's that?"
"A beard."
"My dad has one of those!"

12.13.09

Hanukkah Harry was sitting in a bush, he didn't know which way to look.
He looked three times, he looked four,
he should have looked twice as more.
He should look eight times for the festival of lights;
that's why Hanukkah has eight glorious nights.

12.12.09

Your mom has crabs so big I ride them to work.

12.11.09

"It was him."
"What?!? I did not eat ANY chocolate on Wednesday!"

12.10.09

Womens they be Jewish, they be Jewish!

12.9.09

If he drinks anymore alcohol, he will go to prison.

12.8.09

"You suck, Salmon!"

12.7.09

"The Bulls played worse than any team has ever played in any game at any standard in any season of any decade in any league in any country of any sport ever."

Today

That rabbit's foot don't save no life. Guns save lives.com

12.6.09

"The worst is with grad students!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I hate running into my students anywhere. Once I was out on Halloween and I saw one of them. It's Halloween... it's like my favorite holiday!"

12.5.09

"Ez bullsheet! I did not hit her! I did noooooot! Oh hi Mark!"

12.4.09

A Nov. 26 article in the District edition of Local Living incorrectly said a Public Enemy song declared 9/11 a joke. The song refers to 911, the emergency phone number.

December the Third

I've made many empty promises in my life, but hands down that was the most generous.

12.3.09

Elf threatens mall Santa with dynamite.

December the Second

"I don't think I've seen you since the Tiger peed on you."

"You remember that?"

12.2.09

The grain didn't mold, it just got real stinky.

December the First

Perhaps some day we will discover that space and time are simpler than the human equation

12.1.09

It's about time Yosarian got his due!

November the Thirtieth

I need to read up on it and try to figure out how to get that mother out.