12.21.2009

12/21/09

"How the f*ck do the Bulls blow a 20 point lead?"

12.20.2009

12/20/09

"its like a vitamin that movie. i take it once a day for good health"

12.20.09


"Do you think your parents would feel weird about seeing my crack?"

12.19.2009

12/19/09

"I wish I had last night on blu-Ray!"

12.19.09


We love your souls. Rainbow dreams.

12.17.2009

12.17.09


He found it peculiar that the forecast called for light showers beginning at 2am. "That seems like a pretty useless time for light showers, don't you think?" "Well when are 'light showers' ever useful," he asked. "

12.16.2009

12.16.09


"Buzzer still says 'Schroat'"

12.15.2009

12.15.09


"Are you telling me you're going to shit down his throat if he doesn't produce? That's all I want to know."

12.14.2009

12.14.09


"What's that?"
"A beard."
"My dad has one of those!"

12.13.2009

12.13.09


Hanukkah Harry was sitting in a bush, he didn't know which way to look.
He looked three times, he looked four,
he should have looked twice as more.
He should look eight times for the festival of lights;
that's why Hanukkah has eight glorious nights.

12.12.2009

12.12.09


Your mom has crabs so big I ride them to work.

12.11.2009

12.11.09


"It was him."
"What?!? I did not eat ANY chocolate on Wednesday!"

12.10.2009

12.10.09


Womens they be Jewish, they be Jewish!

12.09.2009

12.9.09


If he drinks anymore alcohol, he will go to prison.

12.08.2009

12.8.09


"You suck, Salmon!"

12.07.2009

12.7.09


"The Bulls played worse than any team has ever played in any game at any standard in any season of any decade in any league in any country of any sport ever."

12.06.2009

Today


That rabbit's foot don't save no life. Guns save lives.com

12.6.09


"The worst is with grad students!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I hate running into my students anywhere. Once I was out on Halloween and I saw one of them. It's Halloween... it's like my favorite holiday!"

12.05.2009

12.5.09


"Ez bullsheet! I did not hit her! I did noooooot! Oh hi Mark!"

12.04.2009

12.4.09


A Nov. 26 article in the District edition of Local Living incorrectly said a Public Enemy song declared 9/11 a joke. The song refers to 911, the emergency phone number.

12.03.2009

December the Third


I've made many empty promises in my life, but hands down that was the most generous.

12.3.09


Elf threatens mall Santa with dynamite.

12.02.2009

December the Second


"I don't think I've seen you since the Tiger peed on you."

"You remember that?"


12.2.09


The grain didn't mold, it just got real stinky.

12.01.2009

December the First


Perhaps some day we will discover that space and time are simpler than the human equation

12.1.09


It's about time Yosarian got his due!

11.30.2009

November the Thirtieth


I need to read up on it and try to figure out how to get that mother out.

11.30.09


If the grass is greener on the other side, you should water your lawn.

11.29.2009

November the Twenty-Ninth


On the other hand …

11.29.09


He asked and I said yes. We're gettin' hitched!

11.28.2009

November the Twenty-Eighth


"The cuss you are."
"The cuss am I? Are you cussing with me?" 
"No, you cussing with me?"
"Don't cussing point at me!"
"If you're gonna cuss, you're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss!"
"You're not gonna cuss with me!"

11.28.09


When you were young you were the kind of carrot flowers.

11.27.2009

November the Twenty-Seventh


Go … New … Pres
(good news preschool)

11.27.09


Boggis and Bunce and Bean
One fat, one short, one lean.
These horrible crooks
So different in looks
Were nonetheless equally mean.

11.26.2009

November the Twenty-Sixth




Cause I'm N Luv wit a stripper

She poppin'

She rollin'

She rollin'
She climbin that pole and



I'm N Luv with a stripper



She trippin'
She playin'

She playin'
I'm not goin nowhere girl

I'm stayin'


I'm N Luv with a stripper

11.26.09


[Something clever was said] That might just be my quote of the day!

11.25.2009

November the Twenty-Fifth


You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. And I'm glad, because there's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that. 

11.25.09


Tre Kroner

11.24.2009

November the Twenty-Fourth


I'm sure someone said something interesting/novel/banal/something; but apparently I wasn't really paying attention.

11.24.09


Happy Birthday from Dick Wheel.

11.23.2009

November the Twenty-Third


Do you respect wood?

11.23.09


Over the course of the past few months, Johnny began to realize that he was different than other boys in his class. He wondered if what "red" meant to him was the same as what "red" meant to his second cousin, Rachael. It was at that moment that Johnny first noticed the dolphins that were swimming along side his submarine.

11.22.2009

November the Twenty-Second


"Ace of spades – the death card."  (said on tv as I uploaded this)

11.22.09


My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed.

11.21.2009

November the Twenty-First


"ZEKE MARKSHAUSEN! makes the tackle."

11.21.09


"Are you done with this?"
" Yeah, I was gonna put it away soon."
" Put it away in your mouth, or throw it away?"

11.20.2009

November the Twentieth


*Chomp*

(i.e. I don't have a quote of the day; I'm really bad at that part.)

11.20.09


"Serves me right for wearing this so close to the border."