October the Sixth

You have a nice amusement park ride as your logo — that's cute.

10.6.09

A salam alaikum.

October the Fifth

"Josh, can you c'mere when you have sec?" "Sure! I have lots of secs! … oh, oops … "

10.5.09

The brahmin are the priestly caste. They are rascals.

October the Fourth

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know. 

10.4.09

A grizzly bear could kill a lion, but a brown bear couldn't.

October the Third

*Wasn't paying any attention*

10.3.09

Dead peasants.

October the Second

[…] too much emphasis on me having kids over my health […]

10.2.09

Let friendship shine?!? I hate friendship!

October the First

Is weird spelled wei or wie?

10.1.09

As far as uh policy stuff goes, uh...I uh... interned for the uh... Clinton administration, so uh... you're in good hands. (Nervous laughter).

September the Thirtieth

Do you remember when you walked home through the beach this time last year?

9.30.09

This is the stuff of nerds.

September the Twenty-Ninth

(By sheer quantity) "Mr. Phipps, do we have to have a test tomorrow."

9.29.09

...Because right now, around Alpha Centauri, there’s a Grey who wants to make chocolate milk and then breed. And he doesn’t want to use a spoon. He wants to use a Vortex Portable Mixing Glass and your wife or daughter.

September the Twenty-Eighth

I don't have any trouble making friends.

9.28.09

Someone stop the world... seems like the moment has come and I'm gonna get a sandwich.

September the Twenty-Seventh

9.27.09

I should be atoning.