1/19/10

"If Back to the Future were made today, Marty would have traveled back in time to 1980"

1.19.10

Sorry Ted.

1/18/10

"Dang, i wish *insert job here* didn't hate black people!"

1.18.10

fail.

Is something funny, young man? You won’t be laughing when you pay me back for that airline ticket to Tunisia.

1/17/10

"you are a party enhancer! right up there w/ booze"

1.17.10

"How's the $45,000.00 soup?"

1/16/10

"listen jay, conan and i have children, all you have to take care of is cars! i mean we have lives to lead hear, you've, you have 800 million dollar, for gods sakes leave our shows alone!"

1.16.10

"I heard you're a big girl!"
"I'm tiny.'

1/15/10

"that's what friends w/ guns r for."

1.15.10

"So perhaps an astronaut who fell into a black hole would be able to make money at roulette by remembering where the ball went before he placed his bet. (Unfortunately, however, he would not have long to play before he was turned to spaghetti. Nor would he be able to let us know about the reversal of the thermodynamic arrow, or even bank his winnings, because he would be trapped behind the event horizon of the black hole.)"

1/14/10

"yeah, change isn't going to happen by itself. this is what obama must've felt like while running for president"

1.14.10

I shoot baskets.

1/13/10

teacher: "mary j. blige"

student: "who's she?"

1.13.10

"Me suffer from extreme bulimia for many years. Me live with private shame for long time. Me feel good getting this off of shoulders. C is for "coming to terms"...that good enough for me."- Cookie Monster

1/12/10

"like will smith said...parents just don't understand"

1.12.10

"I sincerely believe that delaying 'The Tonight Show' into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting."

1/11/10

"you should see my bul-bul, it's huge!"

1.11.10

Sleepy Boots

1/10/10

"he has no respect for his body"

1.10.10

"Today, I learned that two of my three younger cousins are obsessed with Twilight. The third dressed up as a whoopee cushion for Halloween. I think we all know who's the cool one. My Life is Average."