12.27.09

An aversion to all things McSweeny's.

12/26/09

"7pm at kellys i hope we dont die going there."

12.26.09

You're from up north, aren't cha?

12.25.09

It was so hilly billy, I threw up.

12/25/09

"ha, ha, ha, merry christians!"

12.24.09

Ukulele!

12/24/09

"you dress up like a pilgrim."

12.23.09

Harness the fear and turn it into the funny.

12/23/09

lady at a kiosk in the mall:

"can i ask you a question?"

me:

"no thank you."

lady:

"sir, can i just ask you one question"

me:

"well is it pertaining to what you're selling?"

lady:

"well, yes. do you care about your nails?"

me:

"no, not really."

12.22.09

Don't take the room too literally. Think of it as the fourth dimension.

12/22/09

"Damn, you really want to win tonight!"

12.21.09

Listen to the radio now...we'll hear me say 'cock' soon

12/21/09

"How the f*ck do the Bulls blow a 20 point lead?"

12/20/09

"its like a vitamin that movie. i take it once a day for good health"

12.20.09

"Do you think your parents would feel weird about seeing my crack?"

12/19/09

"I wish I had last night on blu-Ray!"

12.19.09

We love your souls. Rainbow dreams.

12/18/09

"who's Chris Farley?"

12.18.09

Uncle Doo-Doo!

12.17.09

He found it peculiar that the forecast called for light showers beginning at 2am. "That seems like a pretty useless time for light showers, don't you think?" "Well when are 'light showers' ever useful," he asked. "