12.6.09

"The worst is with grad students!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I hate running into my students anywhere. Once I was out on Halloween and I saw one of them. It's Halloween... it's like my favorite holiday!"

12.5.09

"Ez bullsheet! I did not hit her! I did noooooot! Oh hi Mark!"

12.4.09

A Nov. 26 article in the District edition of Local Living incorrectly said a Public Enemy song declared 9/11 a joke. The song refers to 911, the emergency phone number.

December the Third

I've made many empty promises in my life, but hands down that was the most generous.

12.3.09

Elf threatens mall Santa with dynamite.

December the Second

"I don't think I've seen you since the Tiger peed on you."

"You remember that?"

12.2.09

The grain didn't mold, it just got real stinky.

December the First

Perhaps some day we will discover that space and time are simpler than the human equation

12.1.09

It's about time Yosarian got his due!

November the Thirtieth

I need to read up on it and try to figure out how to get that mother out.

11.30.09

If the grass is greener on the other side, you should water your lawn.

November the Twenty-Ninth

On the other hand …

11.29.09

He asked and I said yes. We're gettin' hitched!

November the Twenty-Eighth

"The cuss you are."

"The cuss am I? Are you cussing with me?" 

"No, you cussing with me?"

"Don't cussing point at me!"

"If you're gonna cuss, you're not gonna cuss with me, you little cuss!"

"You're not gonna cuss with me!"

11.28.09

When you were young you were the kind of carrot flowers.

November the Twenty-Seventh

Go … New … Pres

(good news preschool)

11.27.09

Boggis and Bunce and Bean
One fat, one short, one lean.
These horrible crooks
So different in looks
Were nonetheless equally mean.

November the Twenty-Sixth

Cause I'm N Luv wit a stripper

She poppin'

She rollin'

She rollin'

She climbin that pole and

I'm N Luv with a stripper

She trippin'

She playin'

She playin'

I'm not goin nowhere girl

I'm stayin'

I'm N Luv with a stripper

11.26.09

[Something clever was said] That might just be my quote of the day!

November the Twenty-Fifth

You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. And I'm glad, because there's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that.