8.29.10

"Ich bin apfel."

August28

*Woman wordlessly slams down a Starbucks half-and-half container in front of the barista*
"Does this mean you would like some more half-and-half?"

8.28.10

"Ties and Rollerblades."

8.27.10

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."

August27

bris-job, bow-job, dub-job

August26

"Guys are douchebags and I hate them all. They don't know how to treat women, and I feel like this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this country."

8.26.10

"You speak the language of my heart...semi-fluently."

August25

Alas, the wheel has turned once more.

8.25.10

"Which part of 'team work' don't you understand; 'team' or 'work', 'team' or work'? Which park of 'team work' don't you understand? Mean jerk, mean jerk! You can't work as a team? That is really mean! Which part of 'team work' don't you understand; 'team' or 'work', 'team' or work'? Which part of 'team work' don't you understand? Mean jerk, mean jerk!"

August24

"You are a c%@# hair away from indictment and you see fit to argue with me?"

8.24.10

"Duh."

August23

"Tourist."

8.23.10

"Young cow pokes."

August22

8.22.10

"One day you will re-unite with your old friend-the uni-brow."

August21

8.21.10

"Ramadan Mubarak."

August20

8.20.10

"You bit your finger?"
"YEAH!!!!!!"
"How does it taste?"

August19

8.19.10

"This email is probably going to be my quote of the day."

August18

I don't think we can date anymore if you look like that.

8.18.10

"Your friends dance real weird."

8.17.10

""Be quick to forgive."

8.16.10

"Husband."

8.15.10

"Wife."

8.14.10

"I do."

8.13.10

"This toast is for you."

8.12.10

"Two hands."
"That's a big Korean thing."

8.11.10

"Where are you?"
"In the kitchen."
"Where is Ma?"
"In the living room."
"Uhh...why is your car at best buy?"

8.10.10

"Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-at!"

8.9.10

"I thought he was just messing with our heads to build character."

8.8.10

"Knives."

8.7.10

" Give her a kiss."
"I already did that."

8.6.10

"Happy Birthday, Renee Grace O'Brien."

8.5.10

"24 frames and a few beats per second. He's gonna go Schwartz his Phipps."

8.4.10

""Because California has no interest in discriminating against gay men and lesbians, and because Proposition 8 prevents California from fulfilling its constitutional obligation to provide marriages on an equal basis, the court concludes that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional."

8.3.10

"what wedding?"

8.2.10

"12 days till the 'it's complicated' relationship status joke is rehashed."

8.1.10

Fail
"You have a tattoo?!?."

7.31.10

"Hey Boyfriends!"

7.30.10

"I'ma' raise some sand if you don't print this one!"

7.29.10

"I'll be in Canada doing Canadian things."

7.28.10

"Hi Ms. Demian, can you play one of them gee-tars?"

7.27.10

"Get Boated"

7.26.10

"I'll see your Egyptian Water Delivering Princess with an MA in African Studies, and raise you a muthafuckin' doctor... and what the hell are you doing with your life?"

7.25.10

"Shoshana with the big ass titties!"*

7.24.10

"Sincerity Circle."

7.23.10

Real conversation: "Hi Demian, nice to meet you. I'm Will Daley."
"Nice to meet you too."

Imaginary conversation:"Hi Demian, nice to meet you. I'm Will Daley. I crafted NAFTA and was the US secretary of Commerce under Clinton."

"Hi Will. Quick question... What correlation do you see between the impact of NAFTA's policies, the unemployment crisis of today, and the globalization boom of the late 90's and early 2000's?"

7.22.10

"...the greatest toast and roast sesh/ Huey Lewis and the News cover band of all time."

7.21.10

"Not winning is not, not an option."