1.21.10

Corporations are not people. Period.

1/20/10

"afraid your vagina will fall off?"

1.20.10

Change the name from Haiti to Love-i. [polite laughter].

1/19/10

"If Back to the Future were made today, Marty would have traveled back in time to 1980"

1.19.10

Sorry Ted.

1/18/10

"Dang, i wish *insert job here* didn't hate black people!"

1.18.10

fail.

Is something funny, young man? You won’t be laughing when you pay me back for that airline ticket to Tunisia.

1/17/10

"you are a party enhancer! right up there w/ booze"

1.17.10

"How's the $45,000.00 soup?"

1/16/10

"listen jay, conan and i have children, all you have to take care of is cars! i mean we have lives to lead hear, you've, you have 800 million dollar, for gods sakes leave our shows alone!"

1.16.10

"I heard you're a big girl!"
"I'm tiny.'

1/15/10

"that's what friends w/ guns r for."

1.15.10

"So perhaps an astronaut who fell into a black hole would be able to make money at roulette by remembering where the ball went before he placed his bet. (Unfortunately, however, he would not have long to play before he was turned to spaghetti. Nor would he be able to let us know about the reversal of the thermodynamic arrow, or even bank his winnings, because he would be trapped behind the event horizon of the black hole.)"

1/14/10

"yeah, change isn't going to happen by itself. this is what obama must've felt like while running for president"

1.14.10

I shoot baskets.

1/13/10

teacher: "mary j. blige"

student: "who's she?"

1.13.10

"Me suffer from extreme bulimia for many years. Me live with private shame for long time. Me feel good getting this off of shoulders. C is for "coming to terms"...that good enough for me."- Cookie Monster

1/12/10

"like will smith said...parents just don't understand"

1.12.10

"I sincerely believe that delaying 'The Tonight Show' into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting."

1/11/10

"you should see my bul-bul, it's huge!"

1.11.10

Sleepy Boots

1/10/10

"he has no respect for his body"

1.10.10

"Today, I learned that two of my three younger cousins are obsessed with Twilight. The third dressed up as a whoopee cushion for Halloween. I think we all know who's the cool one. My Life is Average."

1/9/10

"i like plain vodka"

1.9.10

"Laryngitis"

1/8/10

" yeah i almost got nailed yesterday on 294 really really close call but the island was with me... my heart wasn't beating nowhere near as fast as when i was checking out with smokey"

1.8.10

"AYE BOI... pull yo' goddamn pants up! YO' PANTS UP! Yo' pants is fallin' down!"

1/7/10

"the streets are all covered with snow, like Bobby Brown's nose"

1.7.10

"No Bejweled."
"Yeah, it's not even fun anymore. It's just addictive."
"It's bad drugs."
"It's like what RC did to Coca-cola."
"Cheapened it and made it more accessible to Russia."

1/6/10

"i think he likes penises"

1.6.10

I'll be right back so I can cut your penises.

1/5/10

"here CUMS the bride."

1.5.10

“There are three deaths. The first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave...you know, when they bury you. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time.”

1/4/10

"U r so hardcore u are a bigger Jew than me."

January the Fourth, Twenty Ten

http://volseven.blogspot.com/2008/09/september-eighth.html

"Not again!  :'(   It doesn't get any easier."

(Yes, someone spoke a crying face.)

(No, no they didn't.)

(True.)

1.4.10

40 minutes worth of questions about a coffee mug.

1/3/10

"2 air balls equals -13"

1.3.10

"The "horse-n-goggle" is a method of determining distribution of a limited number of whatevers to a larger number of desires. Stand in a circle and select a starting point to the count and the direction. All participants then count to three in Germany, yell "horse-n-goggle" and throw a number. (i.e. Display a certain number of digits on one hand.) Add up the fingers to form the big number, start at the pre-determined starting point and count around the circle in the pre-determined order. Whoever you land on gets the thing. (Usually extra ice cream sandwiches at dessert, or whatever.)"

1/2/10

"you'll find me in the next life if not in this one"

1.2.10

Apples to Apples

1/1/10

"lots of beer pong, lots."

1.1.10

Happy New Year!

12/31/09

"you see how his hair is quaffed?"

12.31.09

"10, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one..."

12/30/09

"hooters new year's christmas party"

12.30.09

"You get under it and I'll take a picture of you."
"You don't have a blog!"

12.29.09

"What was your motivation for doing this?"
"I was living in a tent and I didn't like it."

12/29/09

"it's called a ROBE, BITCHES!"

12/28/09

"pee"

12.28.09

"Horse Collar."

12/27/09

"Michael Felch!"