11.25.2009

November the Twenty-Fifth


You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. And I'm glad, because there's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that. 

11.25.09


Tre Kroner

11.24.2009

November the Twenty-Fourth


I'm sure someone said something interesting/novel/banal/something; but apparently I wasn't really paying attention.

11.24.09


Happy Birthday from Dick Wheel.

11.23.2009

November the Twenty-Third


Do you respect wood?

11.23.09


Over the course of the past few months, Johnny began to realize that he was different than other boys in his class. He wondered if what "red" meant to him was the same as what "red" meant to his second cousin, Rachael. It was at that moment that Johnny first noticed the dolphins that were swimming along side his submarine.

11.22.2009

November the Twenty-Second


"Ace of spades – the death card."  (said on tv as I uploaded this)

11.22.09


My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed.

11.21.2009

November the Twenty-First


"ZEKE MARKSHAUSEN! makes the tackle."

11.21.09


"Are you done with this?"
" Yeah, I was gonna put it away soon."
" Put it away in your mouth, or throw it away?"

11.20.2009

November the Twentieth


*Chomp*

(i.e. I don't have a quote of the day; I'm really bad at that part.)

11.20.09


"Serves me right for wearing this so close to the border."

11.19.2009

November the Nineteenth


Oink


11.19.09


I now have a penis drawn in my sketchbook.

11.18.2009

November the Eighteenth


Liberals certainly don't allow that to happen to them

11.18.09


Please do not feed the bears.

11.17.2009

November the Seventeenth


Anything that doesn’t take years of your life and drive you to suicide hardly seems worth doing.

11.17.09


For the first time, on the road north of Tampico,
I felt the life sliding out of me,
a drum in the desert, harder and harder to hear.
I was seven, I lay in the car
watching palm trees swirl a sickening pattern past the glass.
My stomach was a melon split wide inside my skin.

"How do you know if you are going to die?"
I begged my mother.
We had been traveling for days.
With strange confidence she answered,
"When you can no longer make a fist."

Years later I smile to think of that journey,
the borders we must cross separately,
stamped with our unanswerable woes.
I who did not die, who am still living,
still lying in the backseat behind all my questions,
clenching and opening one small hand.

11.16.2009

November the Sixteenth


"My daughter has a rash on her pussy."

(Boy, I've just discovered I am not only uncomfortable saying that word, I am also rather uncomfortable typing it. Prude. I'm talking to myself. Bye.)

11.16.09


He ended up asking Reichel if he ever had an arch-nemisis and the only person he said he could think of was Demian Kogan.

11.15.2009

November the Fifteenth


In a way, this is officially the first human voice I've heard all day.

11.15.09


My outfit looks fly. You have a lot of beef fat collected in your neck. This is exactly why this program should be mandated.

11.14.2009

November the Fourteenth


Did you ever notice that all the suburbs around here sound like Cemeteries? Oak Forest. Highland Park. Morton Grove.

11.14.09


Water balloons filled with blueberry jam and birds.

11.13.2009

November the Thirteenth


Everyone has a penis; only girls wear barrettes.

11.13.09


The best of Foo.

11.12.2009

November the Twelfth


I wish I didn't have to talk to myself when I don't have quotes.

11.12.09


I am home today watching Days of Our Lives which means it would be too much emotionally for me to come and play soccer tonight as well.

11.11.2009

1111


Streetwise [no pause] maybe on your way out

11 :( .09

Fail




There is a movie called Troll 2 which is by far the worse movie I have ever seen in my life. It makes American Pie Presents Band Camp look like Citizen Kane.

11.10.2009

November the Tenth


Members are reminded not to use guests to the house as props.

11.10.09


Destroyed paris. FML

11.09.2009

November the Ninth


"Does upward force mean up?"

11.9.09


You will never control my ability.

11.08.2009

November the Eighth


“‘Fail.’—there, I said it. Though I'm sure someone said something of interest today.”

11.8.09


Pigskin

11.06.2009

11.6.09


I go for pachucas.

November the Sixth


That's one of the more perfect assholes I've ever seen.

11.05.2009

11.5.09


I can't think of anything that was said today, so i'll just say booger boobs. I'm clocking in at 11:57 with this crappy picture that's too dark. That's right, I said this all out loud. Booger boobs.

November the Fifth


(There was some quote from the "Wait wait don't tell me" podcast I was listening to about JFK, Obama, threesomes, and foursomes, but now I can't remember it nor find it online, so touch luck.)

11.04.2009

November the Fourth


"My child's good with the what and the who. She struggles with the how and the why."
"That's because she's stupid."

11.4.09


"Decency:2 Sarah Palin: 0"

11.03.2009

November the Third


"Shut the fox up." (Not sure this was actually said. I just said it though, so it counts.)

11.3.09


"Replace "situation deteriorated/worsened" with "shit got real." Ex: On day three of the hostage crisis, shit got real."

11.02.2009

November the Second


Could you use another adjective? Because my 87-year old bubbe says "weird".

11.2.09


Smoosh it real good.

11.01.2009

November the First


She may also be flitting from flower to flower.

11.1.09


Here you go, boss.